ARI (spoken)
So we’re going to go with a random revolutionary fish battle in Nova Scotia?

CARL (spoken)
We're going to go with THE random revolutionary fish battle that changed the course of the war!

Hey, Brothers!

Ho, Brothers!

Don’t you hear above the pounding waves
The wide cry of freedom
Don’t you feel within your beating hearts
The hot rush of duty
The promise of justice
That we’ll pry from England’s jaws
Goddammit, men, we’ve found ourselves a cause!

(Dialogue)

The sky was dim
As we headed north to Halifax
We trimmed the sail as the shoreline loomed

Our spirits grim
When we headed north to Halifax
We couldn't fail or the war was doomed!

JOHNSON
And as our cannons kissed the beaches
As that sailor pissed his breeches

JT (spoken)
Hey!

JOHNSON
Our captain's final orders gave us chills!

LIAM
Shoot steady, boys,
We're aiming for their gills!

ALL
Thank God we fought in Halifax
An act of utmost daring
No longer will we suffer at the fins
Of cruel and heartless herring

(Dialogue)

CARL
The mood was grave
As we hunkered down in Halifax

GRACE
A dismal place!
You should never go.

CARL
But we were brave
As we fought the crown in Halifax

GRACE
Mhm!
Came face to face
With a deadly foe...

JAIMY
And as the bastard turned I grabbed him
As the water churned I stabbed him
And shouted "Here's for freedom!!!" as he bled!
In minutes flat
Another trout was dead

ALL
Thank god we fought in Halifax
And ended up the winners
Most everybody else was killing Brits
But we destroyed their dinners

(Dialogue)

JOHNSON/ARI
Blood in the water!
Blood in the water!

JT (who has been begging to include sharks in the reenactment)
And where there's blood
There's usually sharks
So surreptitious
Brutal and vicious
We taste delicious
To sharks!
Sharks!

Ruthless invader
Cold ocean raider
Stronger than blade 'r
Musket ball!

CARL (spoken)
JT!

JT
So it's a good thing
That sharks
Were not involved at all!

(Dialogue)

LIAM
Hey Brothers!

ALL
Hey Brothers!

LIAM
Ho Brothers!

ALL
Ho Brothers!
Can't you see beyond the smoking guns
The sharp blaze of triumph

ARI (spoken)
I just booked 15 tours!

ALL
Can't you feel within your very souls

GRACE (spoken)
We're full through saturday!

ALL
The brass call of glory
A new independence
From the farmer to the clerk

JOHNSON (spoken)
We had 253 visitors today. 253!! I literally can't believe this.

LIAM
Goddammit, guys, i think we made it work!

(Dialogue)

ALL
Thank cod we fought in Halifax
A vital contribution
Cuz though we never made a lot of trips
And didn't really raid the British ships
We headed the crusade on fish and chips!

We saved the revolution!